Friday, August 29, 2008

The Pacific Northwest according to Jeff Foxworthy

The Wenches are not from the PNW, having both grown up on the east coast. We moved here four years ago. When someone emailed us this Jeff Foxworthy routine we thought it a great opportunity to see just how well we've adapted to our new home. Our comments are in italics.


1. You know the state flower (Mildew)

Silly me, I thought it was Mold.

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

We are nothing short of passionate about recycling here. Recycling paper, plastic, glass, etc. is already mandatory here. Starting in Jan. 2009 Seattleites will be required to compost all food scraps in our yard waste recycling bins. Think we're a bit fanatical about our recycling? Have you people seen The Garbage Patch? Seriously, get with the program.

3. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

Even if we don't drink it, we all speak coffee. It's a very unique language.

4. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

We see lots and lots of boats but we hang out with the "wrong" crowd apparently. All the people we know own bikes not boats!

5. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

A suit just doesn't go with Viking rain gear and hiking boots.

6. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.

Well, duh! Like you could get to the top of a real mountain in a car! The only way to get to the top of a real mountain is on foot and with the help of lots of climbing gear.

7. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.

Also known as King, silver and red. And don't forget Chum (dog) and Pink (humpy).

8. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette.

Okay, not at first. But we learned fast! skwim, pyoo-AL-up, IZ-a-kwah, ORE-e-g'n (does not rhyme with 'gone'), YACK-uh-mah, wil-LAM-met

9. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

Hey, don't forget Vietnamese. Phô is amazing!

10. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark - while only working eight-hour days.

We have little flashing disco ball lights hanging from our backpacks, rain jackets AND the dog--all to help make us more visible. Hey but in summer the skies start lightening at 4 a.m. and it's still light out close to 10 p.m.

11. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

There's a commercial here about this--Blue Tarp Camper.

12. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."

Sounds like tomorrow the weather is going to improve!

13. You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks."

Woo hoo! A really nice day! Sun breaks are our best friends. You learn to drop EVERYTHING and run outside to load up on vitamin D--never know when you'll see that bright shiny orb again.

14. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

One and the same, no?

15. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.

Yeah, it's south of Portland. But I still prefer Concrete here in WA. It's a philosophical concept, a musical style, a form of poetry AND a type of frozen custard.

16. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

Come on, there are lots more than two! And they actually spew out stuff!

17. You notice, "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

We are obsessed with "the mountain". Mt. Rainier is truly spectacular when it is out. This is a REAL mountain--can't drive to the top. it's 14,410ft or 4,392m, covered in glaciers all year round, takes experienced climbers 2-3 days to summit, and can easily kill you if you don't know what you are doing.

18. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

Oh please! We lived in MN, WI and IA. We'll wear shorts until it gets down into the 30s. Seattleites are a bit wimpy about the cold.

19. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

There's a commercial about this too--Sandals and Socks Guy.

20. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

It's just water! It's not like you're going to melt. Besides, using umbrellas with the winds we get here is truly a menace to fellow pedestrians.

21. You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.

Wasn't much of a fan. But Fraser was way too uptight to be a real Seattleite.

22. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

We bought a raincoat for our dog.

23. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).

Spring = not that much rain

Summer = July = no rain

Fall = some rain

Winter = rain--of biblical proportions--and wind and flooding and mud slides and ark building

--Curmudgeon & Wing Nut


Cynthia said...

This is great, thanks for sharing. Now I just have to add some 2 cents worth as well seeing that I live in Oregon!

Respone to:
#1 I thought the state flower was moss- especially the kind that grows on your roof.

#3 Don't forget Multnomah, you got to know how to pronounce that too!

#10 I can still garden at 9:30 at night during the summer, who doesn't love that?!

#17 And Oregonians are in love with Mt. Hood.

#20 You can tell a tourist from a local by the umbrellas they carry. It's only rain, right?!

#23 Rain of biblical proportions in the winter is almost an understatement

That was fun, thanks again for sharing this.

Daphne said...

That is funny. So many of those fit for the Boston area too. Though I had to laugh about Frasier being too uptight for Seattle. Really he came from Boston - East Coast mentality. When I dressed my kids for Halloween I had to make sure their coat fit underneath. Number 5 made me laugh too. Though Bostonians wouldn't dare wear hiking boots to fancy places, I grew up in the mountains of Colorado. We would wear our hiking boots under our long skirts for a party, though usually leave them at the door. And I've been obsessed with Mt Rainier too. I always wanted to hike the Wonderland Trail. Maybe some year.

Shibaguyz said...


kd said...

This was great -- a much needed Friday night chuckle or two.

You are really going to compost all kitchen scraps yourselves in Seattle? Wow -- in our municipality, they're starting to introduce curbside compost pickup. We'll get our new bins in February. Strangely enough, this started at the cottage earlier on this year -- I love it.


Karen said...

Right on, right on. Love it or not, that's the way it is here! Having lived elsewhere, I just can't argue with being close to or even having daily glimpses of mountains and water.

- Karen (Seattle)

Petunia's Gardener said...

Yeah, this NW kind of "grows" on you doesn't it (like moss)! #12 or never go gardening without a waterproof camera and a raincoat.
Have a great weekend (and watch for sun breaks)!

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

hahahaha, so much fun reading your standup routine.

ourfriendben said...

Ha!!! Being from the South, I of course love Foxworthy. But, except for Oregon (we'd pronounce it like that in Nashville, too), I had no idea how to pronounce the others. So now of course I'm wondering about Multnomah!

garden girl said...

Y'all should take this show on the road! Very entertaining post.

Jean Bradbury said...

Love it and your comments too.
My doctor recently asked me what I was taking to get my vitamin D so high as she has to prescribe supplements for most of her patients. I told that whenever the sun shines I rush outside to garden.

Oops gotta go...I think there's a sun break...

Weed Whackin' Wenches said...

The 3Ms--mildew, mold and MOSS! Love your state flower Cynthia! We have lots of that here too! It just falls from the roof in big chunks. Ah yes, mult-NO-mah, how could we have forgotten that one.

Hi Daphne! I grew up in NJ and remember wearing long underware and sweaters under my Halloween costume. I can also still remember my parents look of horror when they came to visit me in WI while I was in grad school and I wore hiking boots to a restaurant. My parents were the most dressed up people in the place!

Glad it made you smile Shibaguyz!

Hi KD. Right now we can, but do not have to, compost food scraps. Each household has a container for yard waste and we can add our food scraps to this container. It gets picked up every other week. Starting in Jan. we'll be required to separate out food scraps and put them in the yard waste container or face fines.

Hi Karen! I really missed the water while I lived in the midwest. Not even the Great Lakes can satisfy the desire for water of oceanic proportions. I love being able to see so much water every day. And the mountains are new to me but after 4 years they still take my breath away.

Greetings Petunia's Gardener! Lots of sun today. But boy those temps sure are dropping at night. And I've begun to notice some trees already beginning to turn. Yikes!

Glad we made you laugh Aunt Debbi!

Hi OFB! Yes, it's definitely a crap shoot trying to figure out which syllable to stress--mult-NO-mah.

Thanks Garden Girl!

Don't waste a single sun break! That's our motto too Jean!

chey said...

What a wonderful post. It truly made me smile. Reminds me of the weather we've had here in Nova Scotia for the last six weeks. We've been doing a little complaining since we're not used to all the rain. Thanks for putting a positive perspective on those sunny breaks:)!